Mall birds

My favorite suburb pastime. Feeding seagulls, and watching them taking a dive on the food, with your face only a few inches away from their beaks! Being such a Hitchcock fan, it’s no wonder I am into birds, so here you go, a fun activity which could turn your boring lunch break into a thrill ride. Instructions are simple, but you will need a car with a moonroof (or a transparent sunroof). A camera is optional but strongly recommended. Warning: The moonroof should be closed during this activity!

First, drive to a mall strip, and grab some french fries from your most favorite fast-food chain (or the one you hate the least). Find a spot in the parking lot, away from the crowd. Park the car, and turn off the engine. Look around you and you will most likely notice a group of seagulls, standing still, almost parked just like you are. I call these degenerate souls mall birds. Like the people on their lunch break, these birds are there for food. But since free food is scarce, they’re preserving their energy by parking and waiting in stand-by mode, for some feeding opportunity to arise. Today, that opportunity is you.

Lower your side window, and start throwing some fries to grab their attention. In a few seconds, the whole flock will be all around the car, flapping their wings with excitement. Now you can start feeding them on your moonroof. With a flick of your left wrist, just throw a few pieces of fries onto your moonroof and start watching from underneath the glass. Trust me, it’s amazing.

Here are some more photos of mall birds.